Another Sick Day

by Nathan Clendenin on February 8th, 2006

Still feeling a bit sick, but getting better. Worked half a day today, meeting with Granny for a bit.

Upon further reflection, I think that the four day break I took during my first trip, to go to Capetown, was a very good idea. Working under such demanding conditions physically and emotionally, I am only good for about a week, then I start losing focus, get easily frustrated, etc. By the end of the second trip, I couldn’t even think straight enough to remember what shots I had gotten and what I needed, despite my attempt to take notes and record my thoughts.
-Added 4/16/06

Under the Weather

by Nathan Clendenin on February 7th, 2006

I am under the weather today. I also need to send some photos to Pat Davison to have him review along with some other errands so I’m going to take it easy today. It’s also been raining profusely the past few days, which his highly unusual for here, even in the rainy season.

From Dust to Dust

by Nathan Clendenin on February 6th, 2006

I’ve witnessed the whole spectrum of life today. Starting with a visit to a hospice care facility, where I met three terminally ill men. At first I viewed the visit as business, it was just part of the job I need to do while here, but then as I saw one of the men brighten up and smile, I realized the inevitable nature of the situation. The room smelled of sickness, and I had the urge to wash my hands after we left, even though I never touched the patients. I felt a little bit crass taking their photos, but got over it, knowing they had consented and didn’t mind. I was also comforted by the fact that I am not seeking to exploit them or manipulate anything whatsoever.

At about 4pm I had the opportunity to pray for a woman who is very ill with HIV. We had prayed for her with Vincent earlier in the week. I felt a bit nervous as I’m not a pastor, but regardless, I prayed for her and the experience was wonderful. Just across the street with checked in with the house where about 15 children are living, all brothers and sisters and cousins to each other, with only an uncle to support them with his half time job–whatever’s leftover after he buys his liquor. I had a hard time explaining to them that they shouldn’t pose for me or poke the other one just before I took their picture. I don’t think I got through, but in time I think they’ll let me blend in. The poverty in the house is remarkable. Yet the kids are so beautiful, and ironically it felt quite easy to make beautiful photographs in there. The light splashing in from the doorway onto the textured green wall wrapped itself around anyone standing near it, creating a beautiful soft blanket, highlighting the wonderful shining faces.

Later, we drove Granny to the hospital to visit her granddaughter Kate who gave birth today to her daughter, Happiness. I photographed granny with the baby and Kate, and it was wonderful. Towards the end of our hour long visit, I sat staring into space, feeling the urge to pray for this new child. I thought of its future, with so many strikes already against her: A teen mother with no parents of her own, no husband or even boyfriend, living with a grandmother who is getting quite old and is the only source of income for her. I thought to myself, “If I really believe what I am trying to show in this project, that faith in God is the only feasible source of hope for all the hurting in Mamelodi, then I must prove that now, by praying for this child, and asking God for a miracle.” After thanking Kate for the tremendous privilege it was to share this part of her life, I prayed, holding Kate’s arm in my right hand, and the child’s head in my left:

“God we thank you for the beautiful gift of life you have given us today. We thank you for this precious child, Happiness, and we ask that you bless and keep her. In the name of Jesus, guard and protect her, and allow her to grow up with health, knowledge and wisdom, knowing your tremendous grace and mercy. God, help Kate to be the best mother on the whole earth. Teach her your ways, and will you be a father to this child? Set your angels around Happiness, blessing and keeping her safe from all evil. In your name we pray, Amen.”

My praying was slow with a quiet tenderness, as that is how I was feeling. I almost wanted to cry, as I think it was quite a bit to take in all in one day. As the rain fell slowly on our way home from the hospital, the Toto lyrics “God bless the rains down in Africa,” took on a whole new meaning.

A Day with Granny

by Nathan Clendenin on February 3rd, 2006

I worked mainly with Granny today at the house. I felt a bit awkward at first, esp. with the older children like Kate and Mongese. But I decided to just sit with them for awhile, not taking pictures, to allow them to get used to me. One of the babies also took a while to stop crying when he saw me. I didn’t have much of an idea about what shots to take except that I needed interaction with Granny and the kids. I asked God to help me see that story how He sees it. All the children, except Given the oldest grandson, were home and interacting with Granny quite a lot. Many other children from around the neighborhood came by also and I struggled with how to answer them about my project. I didn’t want to reveal anything about HIV for fear of stigmatizing the family, but at the same time I don’t want to be dishonest or perpetuating the silence about the disease. I ended up telling them I was doing a project on people in Mamelodi. Mostly these children and other curious passersby just wanted their photo taken, which I did happily.

Faced with a Challenge

by Nathan Clendenin on February 1st, 2006

Was up early for morning prayer, arrived in Mamelodi at 5am.  After prayer I moved to Selina’s house where she was bathing the children.  Then I headed over to Granny’s and took some photos of her and a few even with the grandchildren, which has been hard.  Showing her interacting with them, caring for them.  Visually, her story is difficult.  On paper it’s a perfect story.  An old woman, who might die in the next 5 years, caring for 9 orphaned grandchildren on her measly 800 rand/month pension.  As she says, “I’m pulling with one gear.”  But visually, it is difficult because there is not much emotion in the house, she doesn’t interact very much with the children, two of the girls, one of which is pregnant and due any day, don’t totally feel comfortable when I’m around and usually go to another room, plus her house is not very run down, compared with many other Mamelodi homes I’ve been in.  I am faced with the challenge of choosing this difficult story, versus another story involving a family of 15 or so living in a very bad house that leaks, has only 2 twin beds and no money or food.  This story is much more about poverty than AIDS though, because they are orphans but there’s no way of telling for sure if their parents (there are two sets involved, so there are brother/sisters and cousins living together) dies from AIDS.  Most of the neighbors say that the mother of one set of parents committed suicide because she had it (back in the mid 90’s when it was very taboo to talk about it even).  But I won’t be able to have any of the children tell me that.  So they are indeed orphans, struggling to the fullest, and their living conditions are very visually easy to portray, but it’s not a clear AIDS related thing.  It is likely that some of the children have AIDS from sleeping around, and there have been rapes also from men breaking in at night, but I don’t think anyone has been tested and nobody is sick right now at least.  My hunch is to hang out with that family just a bit and see if I can talk about HIV at all and see what they say.  I also don’t want to give up on Granny and her orphans, just because it’s a difficult story.  I think I can shoot both and decide when I get home, and maybe even use both, emphasizing poverty on one and orphans who will be left without support in the Granny case.

Boarded the Plane

by Nathan Clendenin on January 28th, 2006

I’ve just boarded the plane, a direct flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. I feel a bit anxious and uncertain, even though this trip should be a breeze. I spent last night in Atlanta with Will Brown. We spent the night hanging out with Charley and Sarah who just bought a house across the street from Will. They asked me to do some photos of them and the house, which I did. The main camera body I used is one I got from the Journalism school and had not tried out before (a Canon 20D). I adjusted the specs on it like I like, the same as what is on my own 20D. But when I looked at the shots on my laptop they look oversaturated and very grainy, even at a pretty low ISO. That makes me nervous going into the trip, although worst case I still have my personal camera that works great. It’s much easier to shoot with two cameras though, esp with lots of dust in the air, which makes changing lenses a bad idea. I also feel anxious about when I arrive. I had planned to be picked up by the rental agency and driven to Pretoria where I would have met up with Thea or Derrick, my hosts for this trip. However I am instead driving from the Airport to Pretoria, and I have no idea where I’m going! But it will be an adventure that I don’t mind. I am also feeling more calm now that I opened my bible to Psalm 139:

GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too–
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful–
I can’t take it all in!
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute–
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God–you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration–what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
Your thoughts–how rare, how beautiful!
God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them–
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers–out of here!-
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

God, as I embark on the final chapter of this endeavour, equip me with the knowledge, wisdom, sensitivity, and love required to do justice to the personal stories I am documenting, the beautiful people of S Africa. Continue to foster my relationship with Vincent and his church, and bless the desire I have to make a partnership with my church and his. Protect me from evil, both inside and outside. Bless my time with peace and tranquility amidst the pain and suffering I witness, and allow me to enter a situation and be totally present, forgetting myself along with my worries and desires to become in tune with the surroundings. I thank you in advance for your many blessings, and for taking care of your people in Mamelodi. Lord, you know my heart. I long to serve you and dedicate all I do for your will and purpose in this world. Thank you. Thank you.

Formulating The Thesis

by Nathan Clendenin on October 6th, 2005

I am still formulating my thesis this semester through many meetings with Jim Thomas, a professor in the School of Public Health and a missions pastor at the Chapel Hill Bible Church. He’s been extremely helpful in helping me understand the bigger picture of HIV and to dig deeper into how we can help things. If I had to title my thesis right now it’d be: “AIDS, Poverty, and Faith.” I will look at what things the Christian Church is doing and not doing to help with AIDS. This thesis will be finsihed in May, so I’ll probably do a posting on Vicarious Summer when its done (it’ll be an interactive multimedia website). I am excited to most likely return to South Africa in January to follow up on some things and explore more, now that I have more focus.

Extracted from original post on Vicarious Summer Blog

Top Ten Things I’ll Miss When I Return Home

by Nathan Clendenin on August 16th, 2005

NOT REALLY

10. Dialup – Usually a web guy’s kryptonite, but not me. I love paying $10 and waiting an hour for photos to upload.

9. Separate Faucets – Who needs warm water? I much prefer either scalding or freezing.

8. The Looks – I’ve really gotten used to being stared at everywhere I go, and I’ll really miss the myriad kids yelling, “Shoot me!”

7. McDonald’s – somehow it took coming to the opposite end of the world to find my hidden love for the largest chain of grease peddlers on the planet. I will especially miss the pukey-burp aftertaste.

6. Mental Math – I never was good at it, but I’ve grown to love dividing by 6.5 (or multiplying by 1.4 in Spain) in my head in order to figure out I’m definitely paying more than I would back home.

REALLY

5. Community – from burying loved ones to visiting neighbors, these people know how to care for each other.

4. People who still love Americans – I’ve gotten plenty of “ohs” and “we don’t like Bush” comments everywhere else I’ve been, except South Africa. I’m actually respected here — people come up and thank me for taking pictures at their loved one’s funeral.

3. Having all day every day to shoot photos – busy but focused is how I like it. Grad school is more like busy, unfocused, tired, stressed, wish I could just find time to eat a real meal.

2. Singing all the time – I’ve been doing it since I was 2, but here I’m just another voice in the crowd. I’ve been learning some African songs, but there’s never a shortage of good old American 80’s music around here.

1. Beautiful Shining Faces.

Originally Posted on Vicarious Summer Blog 

Kruger National Park

by Nathan Clendenin on August 14th, 2005

On Friday we (Vincent and family) hopped in the donkey (the affectionate term for the rental car) and headed north for Kruger National Park, home to many wild animals including the “Big Five”. On the way we saw some beautiful sites including a natural bridge and a wonderful view of the mountains called “God’s Window.” We spent the night about 50 km from the park and got up early on Saturday to hit the park when the animals were out and about. From the car we saw some amazing animals including: lions, hippos, giraffes, zebras, buffalo (quite different looking here), monkeys, baboons, warthogs, jackals, antelope, wildebeests, and most definitely some elephants. We actually got into a high speed chase with the elephant you see above; apparently the donkey upset him and since they never forget anything, we didn’t come back that way!
Vincent, his wife Gloria, and daughter Busi were packed in the car with my gear. It was quite a long day, especially with a 4-hour drive to get back to Mamelodi. But it was well worth it, to say the least. Now that I’ve gotten most of the playing out of the way, I am very anxious to get started on the remaining thesis work. In 5 days Vincent and I will photograph and interview a grandmother and the orphan children of her two deceased daughters, the gravedigger and more funerals, a woman valiantly living with AIDS, a prostitute and anything else that comes up. Like Vincent says about services at his church, “We plan, but sometimes God steps in.” I am expecting a great (and busy) week.

Originally Posted on Vicarious Summer Blog

Capetown

by Nathan Clendenin on August 10th, 2005

On Tuesday Will and I explored Capetown with a hike up Lion’s Head, one of the smaller peaks that lines the oceanfront. We had wonderful blue sky weather with just a little chill. Even though we’re at the southernmost part of the southern hemisphere in winter, it’s not that cold. After snapping some shots of Table Mountain and the 12 apostles (sort of like Mt. Rushmore but natural) we drove south toward Cape Point along a beautiful highway that had us wedged between steep cliffs on the left and blue waters on the right. We ended up missing the entrance time to the park that leads to the Cape (5pm) and instead checked out some penguins then headed to a small town where we had a really great seafood dinner and Guinness. We got home late after a stop at another lookout to take some night shots of the city from above.

At 5:15am today we got up for our shark cage diving excursion. They picked us up at our door and drove us all the way to the small bay about 2 1/5 hours away. The fed us and then we boarded “The Baracuda” for a 20 minute ride out the Shark Alley. The minute the anchor was set down we spotted a Great White circling our boat. The captain gave us a quick briefing and we suited up to get into the cage alongside the boat. We would sit in the rather chilly water until the captain told us, “Down, Down,” and we’d take a breath and go under to view the beautiful animals going for the bait they had out in front of us. At one point I was face to face with a shark with only about 2 feet in between us. It was a great experience, and another day of beautiful weather. I did spew in the water from motion sickness but felt just fine after that. Many on the boat had to leave early, due to sickness, on a dinghy that came out to rescue them. Will and I are about to hunt down some good food and relax tonight before I head back to Mamelodi tomorrow.

Originally posted on Vicarious Summer Blog