More Funerals

by Nathan Clendenin on February 11th, 2006

I tried to arrange on Friday with William, the gravedigger, to visit the gravesite again on Saturday, hoping for softer light with the cloudy weather. He said he would not be there and wasn’t sure if he could arrange with his substitute to have me there. I would not have been worried about that, given that I always just explain to each funeral party what I’m doing when they ask, without William being right there. However, Gloria’s father passed earlier in my trip and his funeral was today. Vincent asked me to come, and with hesitation at first, I went. I was feeling, as at the end of Friday, totally uncreative and out of energy to keep shooting. I shot photos but without enthusiasm and they weren’t very good (in my eyes). It was a very large funeral though, bigger than any I’ve witnessed in S Africa. In the car with me and Mandla were Selina and Vuci. It was great to ride with them and spend time with them, not photographing. Vincent noticed, and I concur, that I’m really becoming a part of their family. I bought disposable cameras for the kids earlier, as Thebo esp. kept trying to take pictures with my cameras. I wish I had time to really teach them, and perhaps I will in future trips. I find myself wanting to help this family so much, not in a poverty relief way, as they have good shelter and food, but in an opportunity way. I see such promise in the kids, because of their strong parents. I want to have them visit the U.S. and show them around. I want to finance their educations and see to it that they make it out of Mamelodi, at least for awhile. But those are my feelings and thoughts, I only pray that our relationship will be able to continue over the years to come.

Along the same lack of creativity lines, I am having a feeling that I have missed some crucial part of some of the stories, like no closing shot or no good scene setter. Yet weirdly, I am taking no initiative to check or make those kinds of pictures just in case. I am trying a bit, but the pics don’t have people in them or for some reason don’t work out right. I am basically just worn out from working on these stories, and feel like I’m in a huge rut with my camera. I don’t know how to get out of it, except to take time away, which I don’t have. Deep down I am worried all this effort will go to waste, will be not as good as I hope. I know sometimes these are just lies blown out of proportion by my feeling a lack of control. I try to ignore them, and I pray about them. I have this deeper feeling that God will use this project, as I’ve asked, to raise awareness beyond ways I can imagine.

Quiet Strength

by Nathan Clendenin on February 10th, 2006

I worked with sister Margaret today. As I hoped, she needed to spend time at the hospice (instead of in the office building). I am impressed with her quiet strength, which she displays through leadership of her staff and caring for the patients with grace. I photographed her working for awhile, and did an audio interview. She spoke to me in English, unlike many of the other interviews. However, I will likely still have a voiceover for her because the room was unavoidably noisy (a constant beeping in the background and patients moaning a bit). Plus that will remain consistent with the other stories. I didn’t have to ask but one question to get all the information I wanted to cover. I photographed her working with patients a bit more, and she reminded me of the ones we had visited earlier in the week that were now here. One of the patients, a man with HIV who had an usuable arm due to a stroke, look much much better in the hospice. Another woman, looked worse. Margaret started to ask me what else I wanted, at which point I realized it was time to leave. I didn’t feel unwelcome, but she started to do things for me just so I could photograph, and so I stopped. There wasn’t much else to photograph anyway, otherwise I would have attempted to explain that I couldn’t photograph posed events. Instead I dropped it and started wrapping up. We had a nice goodbye and I could tell she was happy to have worked with me.

Uncle’s Orphans

by Nathan Clendenin on February 9th, 2006

I went back to visit the Uncle Orphans today. I hoped they would get used to my cameras and stop posing for me, but alas such was not the case (as Vincent predicted). Even after two hours, most of the children were still posing for me and fighting for my attention. I made some nice shots though, of the portrait variety. Instead of getting discouraged, which I started to feel, I decided the only way to tell this story is to call it something like “Portraits of Poverty”. I don’t know if it will end up in the final product, as the link to AIDS is uncertain. But the link to poverty is so strong. I’ll have to see what Pat thinks. It makes a nice fifth story, one that is a little different as a series of portraits.

Another Sick Day

by Nathan Clendenin on February 8th, 2006

Still feeling a bit sick, but getting better. Worked half a day today, meeting with Granny for a bit.

Upon further reflection, I think that the four day break I took during my first trip, to go to Capetown, was a very good idea. Working under such demanding conditions physically and emotionally, I am only good for about a week, then I start losing focus, get easily frustrated, etc. By the end of the second trip, I couldn’t even think straight enough to remember what shots I had gotten and what I needed, despite my attempt to take notes and record my thoughts.
-Added 4/16/06

Under the Weather

by Nathan Clendenin on February 7th, 2006

I am under the weather today. I also need to send some photos to Pat Davison to have him review along with some other errands so I’m going to take it easy today. It’s also been raining profusely the past few days, which his highly unusual for here, even in the rainy season.

From Dust to Dust

by Nathan Clendenin on February 6th, 2006

I’ve witnessed the whole spectrum of life today. Starting with a visit to a hospice care facility, where I met three terminally ill men. At first I viewed the visit as business, it was just part of the job I need to do while here, but then as I saw one of the men brighten up and smile, I realized the inevitable nature of the situation. The room smelled of sickness, and I had the urge to wash my hands after we left, even though I never touched the patients. I felt a little bit crass taking their photos, but got over it, knowing they had consented and didn’t mind. I was also comforted by the fact that I am not seeking to exploit them or manipulate anything whatsoever.

At about 4pm I had the opportunity to pray for a woman who is very ill with HIV. We had prayed for her with Vincent earlier in the week. I felt a bit nervous as I’m not a pastor, but regardless, I prayed for her and the experience was wonderful. Just across the street with checked in with the house where about 15 children are living, all brothers and sisters and cousins to each other, with only an uncle to support them with his half time job–whatever’s leftover after he buys his liquor. I had a hard time explaining to them that they shouldn’t pose for me or poke the other one just before I took their picture. I don’t think I got through, but in time I think they’ll let me blend in. The poverty in the house is remarkable. Yet the kids are so beautiful, and ironically it felt quite easy to make beautiful photographs in there. The light splashing in from the doorway onto the textured green wall wrapped itself around anyone standing near it, creating a beautiful soft blanket, highlighting the wonderful shining faces.

Later, we drove Granny to the hospital to visit her granddaughter Kate who gave birth today to her daughter, Happiness. I photographed granny with the baby and Kate, and it was wonderful. Towards the end of our hour long visit, I sat staring into space, feeling the urge to pray for this new child. I thought of its future, with so many strikes already against her: A teen mother with no parents of her own, no husband or even boyfriend, living with a grandmother who is getting quite old and is the only source of income for her. I thought to myself, “If I really believe what I am trying to show in this project, that faith in God is the only feasible source of hope for all the hurting in Mamelodi, then I must prove that now, by praying for this child, and asking God for a miracle.” After thanking Kate for the tremendous privilege it was to share this part of her life, I prayed, holding Kate’s arm in my right hand, and the child’s head in my left:

“God we thank you for the beautiful gift of life you have given us today. We thank you for this precious child, Happiness, and we ask that you bless and keep her. In the name of Jesus, guard and protect her, and allow her to grow up with health, knowledge and wisdom, knowing your tremendous grace and mercy. God, help Kate to be the best mother on the whole earth. Teach her your ways, and will you be a father to this child? Set your angels around Happiness, blessing and keeping her safe from all evil. In your name we pray, Amen.”

My praying was slow with a quiet tenderness, as that is how I was feeling. I almost wanted to cry, as I think it was quite a bit to take in all in one day. As the rain fell slowly on our way home from the hospital, the Toto lyrics “God bless the rains down in Africa,” took on a whole new meaning.

A Day with Granny

by Nathan Clendenin on February 3rd, 2006

I worked mainly with Granny today at the house. I felt a bit awkward at first, esp. with the older children like Kate and Mongese. But I decided to just sit with them for awhile, not taking pictures, to allow them to get used to me. One of the babies also took a while to stop crying when he saw me. I didn’t have much of an idea about what shots to take except that I needed interaction with Granny and the kids. I asked God to help me see that story how He sees it. All the children, except Given the oldest grandson, were home and interacting with Granny quite a lot. Many other children from around the neighborhood came by also and I struggled with how to answer them about my project. I didn’t want to reveal anything about HIV for fear of stigmatizing the family, but at the same time I don’t want to be dishonest or perpetuating the silence about the disease. I ended up telling them I was doing a project on people in Mamelodi. Mostly these children and other curious passersby just wanted their photo taken, which I did happily.

Faced with a Challenge

by Nathan Clendenin on February 1st, 2006

Was up early for morning prayer, arrived in Mamelodi at 5am.  After prayer I moved to Selina’s house where she was bathing the children.  Then I headed over to Granny’s and took some photos of her and a few even with the grandchildren, which has been hard.  Showing her interacting with them, caring for them.  Visually, her story is difficult.  On paper it’s a perfect story.  An old woman, who might die in the next 5 years, caring for 9 orphaned grandchildren on her measly 800 rand/month pension.  As she says, “I’m pulling with one gear.”  But visually, it is difficult because there is not much emotion in the house, she doesn’t interact very much with the children, two of the girls, one of which is pregnant and due any day, don’t totally feel comfortable when I’m around and usually go to another room, plus her house is not very run down, compared with many other Mamelodi homes I’ve been in.  I am faced with the challenge of choosing this difficult story, versus another story involving a family of 15 or so living in a very bad house that leaks, has only 2 twin beds and no money or food.  This story is much more about poverty than AIDS though, because they are orphans but there’s no way of telling for sure if their parents (there are two sets involved, so there are brother/sisters and cousins living together) dies from AIDS.  Most of the neighbors say that the mother of one set of parents committed suicide because she had it (back in the mid 90’s when it was very taboo to talk about it even).  But I won’t be able to have any of the children tell me that.  So they are indeed orphans, struggling to the fullest, and their living conditions are very visually easy to portray, but it’s not a clear AIDS related thing.  It is likely that some of the children have AIDS from sleeping around, and there have been rapes also from men breaking in at night, but I don’t think anyone has been tested and nobody is sick right now at least.  My hunch is to hang out with that family just a bit and see if I can talk about HIV at all and see what they say.  I also don’t want to give up on Granny and her orphans, just because it’s a difficult story.  I think I can shoot both and decide when I get home, and maybe even use both, emphasizing poverty on one and orphans who will be left without support in the Granny case.