Another Sick Day

by Nathan Clendenin on February 8th, 2006

Still feeling a bit sick, but getting better. Worked half a day today, meeting with Granny for a bit.

Upon further reflection, I think that the four day break I took during my first trip, to go to Capetown, was a very good idea. Working under such demanding conditions physically and emotionally, I am only good for about a week, then I start losing focus, get easily frustrated, etc. By the end of the second trip, I couldn’t even think straight enough to remember what shots I had gotten and what I needed, despite my attempt to take notes and record my thoughts.
-Added 4/16/06

From Dust to Dust

by Nathan Clendenin on February 6th, 2006

I’ve witnessed the whole spectrum of life today. Starting with a visit to a hospice care facility, where I met three terminally ill men. At first I viewed the visit as business, it was just part of the job I need to do while here, but then as I saw one of the men brighten up and smile, I realized the inevitable nature of the situation. The room smelled of sickness, and I had the urge to wash my hands after we left, even though I never touched the patients. I felt a little bit crass taking their photos, but got over it, knowing they had consented and didn’t mind. I was also comforted by the fact that I am not seeking to exploit them or manipulate anything whatsoever.

At about 4pm I had the opportunity to pray for a woman who is very ill with HIV. We had prayed for her with Vincent earlier in the week. I felt a bit nervous as I’m not a pastor, but regardless, I prayed for her and the experience was wonderful. Just across the street with checked in with the house where about 15 children are living, all brothers and sisters and cousins to each other, with only an uncle to support them with his half time job–whatever’s leftover after he buys his liquor. I had a hard time explaining to them that they shouldn’t pose for me or poke the other one just before I took their picture. I don’t think I got through, but in time I think they’ll let me blend in. The poverty in the house is remarkable. Yet the kids are so beautiful, and ironically it felt quite easy to make beautiful photographs in there. The light splashing in from the doorway onto the textured green wall wrapped itself around anyone standing near it, creating a beautiful soft blanket, highlighting the wonderful shining faces.

Later, we drove Granny to the hospital to visit her granddaughter Kate who gave birth today to her daughter, Happiness. I photographed granny with the baby and Kate, and it was wonderful. Towards the end of our hour long visit, I sat staring into space, feeling the urge to pray for this new child. I thought of its future, with so many strikes already against her: A teen mother with no parents of her own, no husband or even boyfriend, living with a grandmother who is getting quite old and is the only source of income for her. I thought to myself, “If I really believe what I am trying to show in this project, that faith in God is the only feasible source of hope for all the hurting in Mamelodi, then I must prove that now, by praying for this child, and asking God for a miracle.” After thanking Kate for the tremendous privilege it was to share this part of her life, I prayed, holding Kate’s arm in my right hand, and the child’s head in my left:

“God we thank you for the beautiful gift of life you have given us today. We thank you for this precious child, Happiness, and we ask that you bless and keep her. In the name of Jesus, guard and protect her, and allow her to grow up with health, knowledge and wisdom, knowing your tremendous grace and mercy. God, help Kate to be the best mother on the whole earth. Teach her your ways, and will you be a father to this child? Set your angels around Happiness, blessing and keeping her safe from all evil. In your name we pray, Amen.”

My praying was slow with a quiet tenderness, as that is how I was feeling. I almost wanted to cry, as I think it was quite a bit to take in all in one day. As the rain fell slowly on our way home from the hospital, the Toto lyrics “God bless the rains down in Africa,” took on a whole new meaning.

Boarded the Plane

by Nathan Clendenin on January 28th, 2006

I’ve just boarded the plane, a direct flight to Johannesburg, South Africa. I feel a bit anxious and uncertain, even though this trip should be a breeze. I spent last night in Atlanta with Will Brown. We spent the night hanging out with Charley and Sarah who just bought a house across the street from Will. They asked me to do some photos of them and the house, which I did. The main camera body I used is one I got from the Journalism school and had not tried out before (a Canon 20D). I adjusted the specs on it like I like, the same as what is on my own 20D. But when I looked at the shots on my laptop they look oversaturated and very grainy, even at a pretty low ISO. That makes me nervous going into the trip, although worst case I still have my personal camera that works great. It’s much easier to shoot with two cameras though, esp with lots of dust in the air, which makes changing lenses a bad idea. I also feel anxious about when I arrive. I had planned to be picked up by the rental agency and driven to Pretoria where I would have met up with Thea or Derrick, my hosts for this trip. However I am instead driving from the Airport to Pretoria, and I have no idea where I’m going! But it will be an adventure that I don’t mind. I am also feeling more calm now that I opened my bible to Psalm 139:

GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
then up ahead and you’re there, too–
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful–
I can’t take it all in!
Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you’re there!
If I go underground, you’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute–
you’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God–you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration–what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
Your thoughts–how rare, how beautiful!
God, I’ll never comprehend them!
I couldn’t even begin to count them–
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers–out of here!-
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, GOD,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!
Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I’m about;
See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

God, as I embark on the final chapter of this endeavour, equip me with the knowledge, wisdom, sensitivity, and love required to do justice to the personal stories I am documenting, the beautiful people of S Africa. Continue to foster my relationship with Vincent and his church, and bless the desire I have to make a partnership with my church and his. Protect me from evil, both inside and outside. Bless my time with peace and tranquility amidst the pain and suffering I witness, and allow me to enter a situation and be totally present, forgetting myself along with my worries and desires to become in tune with the surroundings. I thank you in advance for your many blessings, and for taking care of your people in Mamelodi. Lord, you know my heart. I long to serve you and dedicate all I do for your will and purpose in this world. Thank you. Thank you.

Top Ten Things I’ll Miss When I Return Home

by Nathan Clendenin on August 16th, 2005

NOT REALLY

10. Dialup – Usually a web guy’s kryptonite, but not me. I love paying $10 and waiting an hour for photos to upload.

9. Separate Faucets – Who needs warm water? I much prefer either scalding or freezing.

8. The Looks – I’ve really gotten used to being stared at everywhere I go, and I’ll really miss the myriad kids yelling, “Shoot me!”

7. McDonald’s – somehow it took coming to the opposite end of the world to find my hidden love for the largest chain of grease peddlers on the planet. I will especially miss the pukey-burp aftertaste.

6. Mental Math – I never was good at it, but I’ve grown to love dividing by 6.5 (or multiplying by 1.4 in Spain) in my head in order to figure out I’m definitely paying more than I would back home.

REALLY

5. Community – from burying loved ones to visiting neighbors, these people know how to care for each other.

4. People who still love Americans – I’ve gotten plenty of “ohs” and “we don’t like Bush” comments everywhere else I’ve been, except South Africa. I’m actually respected here — people come up and thank me for taking pictures at their loved one’s funeral.

3. Having all day every day to shoot photos – busy but focused is how I like it. Grad school is more like busy, unfocused, tired, stressed, wish I could just find time to eat a real meal.

2. Singing all the time – I’ve been doing it since I was 2, but here I’m just another voice in the crowd. I’ve been learning some African songs, but there’s never a shortage of good old American 80’s music around here.

1. Beautiful Shining Faces.

Originally Posted on Vicarious Summer Blog 

Pre-Africa Thoughts

by Nathan Clendenin on August 1st, 2005

I’ve had many different thoughts in the past week or so in anticipation of this last leg of summer. This is the part that really matters and in many ways the part I’ve been preparing for. I have many thoughts and ideas in my head about what it will be like, but I’m also realizing things may utterly surprise and shock me. At the church service here in London this Sunday, worshipping among a crowd of strangers who welcomed me, I realized that in a week I’d be worshipping with another quite different crowd who no doubt will also welcome me. I look forward to joining in their worship, seeing a different part of the diverse body of the church. I spoke with my host today on the telephone (well, I was on Skype) and they are excited to see me and will be at the airport waiting for me. I have no doubt they will be wonderful hosts to me in many different ways. I just have to make it there on a 12 hour flight! My flight into London from Santiago was twenty minutes early, by the way, so I’m 7/7 on irregular timings and I hope the upward swing keeps moving upward, shaving time off this flight and the one coming back.

You may not hear from me until the weekend, but I promise to post something as soon as I can.

“The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” -Frederick Buechner

Originally posted on Vicarious Summer Blog